


maybe it doesn't really matter now

by marshmallownose



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur and Morgana's relationship is so complex it's a shame they didn't play with it more., Canon Compliant, Character Death, Drabble, Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day, Gen, Introspection, Kinda Sad NGL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:22:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26714428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marshmallownose/pseuds/marshmallownose
Summary: She is gone and so soon shall he be too
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Morgana & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	maybe it doesn't really matter now

There is a distinct, crystal-clear feeling, Arthur realizes as he watches Merlin drive the sword—his sword—even deeper into her abdomen and lower her dying body to the dirt floor of the forest, that this is the last time he will ever see Morgana. The thought leaves him cold…well, not cold exactly. Numb, perhaps—the kind of numb towards her he’d been trying to force himself to feel for nearly six years, yet failing every single time. Maybe it was callous now, hearing her ragged, rasping breath and feeling nothing but emptiness, and yet Arthur thought that it might be the single kindest mercy granted to him in all his life.

He doesn’t have the strength to chuckle at that. The kindest mercy of his life granted at its end. He can’t take his eyes off his fading sister, and he knows that the moment she stops breathing is the moment when Arthur’s fate is sealed. They have no horses, no time, no chance. In her last act, Morgana will achieve what she’s wanted for years now: his death.

She hadn’t always wanted that, though. When they rode horses together, racing through the trees to escape a stuffy banquet for some equally stuffy noble, or sparred out in the woods where Uther couldn’t reprimand Morgana for wearing trousers.

Certainly, when they were young, she’d threatened him—

_“Arthur Pendragon, I swear one day I’ll kill you!”_

_“It was only a frog, Morgana! Look, even Guinevere is trying not to laugh!”_

—but it had always only ever been in jest over foolish things like pranks or losing in a game of chess. Once, she’d believed in him, in the world he was supposed to create. Except maybe Morgana had never known what his apparent destiny was, that Merlin kept bringing up. Maybe her faith in him was simply that: her faith in him—Arthur the man, not Arthur the Once and Future King.

Through the numbness, Arthur feels a pang. Clearly Arthur the man must not be so noble, or Morgana would not have lost her faith in him.

Maybe, though, it’s not her fault. Maybe he’d lost his faith in her first, or perhaps it was after. Either way, it didn’t matter, because somewhere along the line they’d abandoned each other in the fruitless game of crowns and kingdoms. They’d betrayed each other; they are both to blame.

And somehow it doesn’t matter, because they’re both dying; he knows he’ll never say to her the things that need be said, and yet he’s certain she knows already.

“Goodbye, Morgana,” Merlin says with cold regret.

_Until we meet again_ , Arthur bids with silent acceptance.

Her gasping stops, the last of the air in her lungs curling out like a sigh; thunder rumbles in the distance where dismal storm clouds gather on the wind. She’s gone and so soon will he be too. He finally looks away.

_Maybe,_ Arthur thinks as Merlin rushes to his side, _they’ll ride horses together again in Avalon._

“You’ve brought peace at last,” Arthur says to him, and he means it. Not peace to Camelot, though he supposes that’s true as well, but peace to Arthur and to Morgana. It was finally over, the burden lifted, the game finally reaching its conclusion.

Merlin says nothing, but Arthur can tell that he knows what he means.


End file.
